When you just…

So since the beginning of this blog…I’ve decided to be very open (which isn’t easy)…because it makes you vulnerable…in saying that…

Have you ever had times that you just want to scream…at God, at whoever might walk by or even just scream at the sky? That’s how I feel…

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For the past (almost) eight weeks, I have taken care of our Leia (not just me..my hubby has been incredible!)…so as you can see from my recent post “Having to Say Goodbye” that last Thursday, our Leia went to be with Jesus…now, we knew it was time, we had done EVERYTHING that we could do…it was a long difficult battle and she fought it until the end and passed sweetly in HIS arms from ours…so its been a very hard few days…tears daily for sure…

Our sweet girl (who is 6) is still processing it (as we are) and is currently asleep in the living room on the last blanket that Leia laid on on Thursday…our sweet girl is so heartbroken and I don’t know what can fix it other than time and love…

Our little man is on the couch in just a diaper because beginning around 6pm tonight…he started throwing up…so he fell asleep around 8:30pm and hopefully it will be a peaceful night…

One more thing, I’m in college at the University of Phoenix and of course, tonight is my last night of my last class to become a Certified Financial Planner and I have homework due and the little man gets sick…(I did get my home completed about 10 minutes ago)

So I just felt like either crying or screaming or both…I might jump around and pitch a temper tantrum while I’m at it…being a mom is hard and at times VERY overwhelming…let’s not talk about my house or my pantry (haven’t had time or been able to go grocery shopping)…I started a new job in the middle of all this too…(thankful to my wonderful co-workers for being there)

so give yourself some grace…breath…and don’t give up!!!

Oh, one more thing…it was my birthday yesterday in the middle of all of this…so happy birthday to me…

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Having to say Goodbye…

As I sit here with tears streaming down my face…we had to say goodbye today…

Our sweet Leia girl went to be with Jesus this afternoon….thank you Princess Leia for being our sweet companion, amazing protector, and incredible friend…we will miss your cuddles, slaps to get more cuddles, nightly rituals of making sure the kids are safe and tucked in, goofiness, and just all around amazing dog that you are…see you soon before you know it…love you and miss you already our baby girl….you captured our heart and lives in ways you probably never knew…

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We got Leia when she was just 6 weeks old…she looked like a little lion cub…she has always been the sweetest, gentle dog I’ve ever met…afraid of storms (most definitely) but she would fight for us if she had too…(scared a few people that should of been around our house)…

Seven weeks ago, she started getting sick, I was up all night with her and the first vet we took her too gave her fluids and put her on some nausea medicine (which we found out that she was sensitive to medicine…so she had almost EVERY side effect)…we thought she was good a week later, she started getting sick again…we took her back to the 1st vet and more medicine was given and an ultrasound was taken that showed no blockages…3 weeks into her illness she stopped eating (that was 4 weeks ago)…we ended up switching vets because after discussing some things with close friends and dog lovers…we realized that worms test we never done…the 2nd vet did a heartworm test which was negative, a fecal sample was done and a small tapeworm was found (we thought that was causing some weird things she was doing), medicine was given immediately and it was taken care of…the 2nd vet did another ultrasound (no charge to us…Praise God!) 2 days ago and found that her liver was enlarged and swelling, also she had some enlarged lymphnodes. He determined that she had lymphoma. We decided not to do treatment or any further testing because there is no cure and who knows how long it would of extended her life and we didn’t want her miserable….so we brought her home….this morning, she got up and drank 3 bowls of water (PRAISE GOD)…she went out to go potty and I couldn’t get her back in, my hubby had to come home to get her up and got her back inside, for the next 3-4 hours we loved on her and decided to take her back to the 2nd vet and we knew it was time. It was very peaceful and she is now with Jesus (I know some don’t think that dogs go to Heaven, I do, and there is nothing to convince me otherwise).

We are heartbroken, but we know that we did every possible thing we could for her (we tried every type of food to get her to eat), we tried different medicines, we loved on her continuously, prayed over her, released her, and finally did what was best for her…we miss her greatly, but we know that she is with Him, running and playing and we will see her again!!!

We miss you Princess Leia! We had a wonderful 8 1/2 years with you here. Love you forever sweet girl!

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IMAGE: http://www.petadoptionservices.org/info/display?PageID=13336

When it rains, it pours…

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So it’s been a while since I posted…so much has happened…we are in the process of buying a new home, renting our current home, and our dog got very sick…doesn’t seem like a lot…but oh my!…

We finally found a house! YAY! It does need some work but its a step up from our current home…it’s a 3 bedroom, 2 bathroom!!! It’s under inspection now and we are just waiting for some final details…be praying…if it falls through, then we know that God has something bigger and better!!

Now to getting our rental ready…we are updating our basement bathroom, putting in a new basement door and finishing our main bathroom that we started years ago…and putting in a window and replacing two doors in the basement…WOW! Oh yeah and we are cleaning out our basement and a charity is coming Monday to get all the stuff…(making me not want to leave our current house yet with all the updates…)

Our Leia girl who is 8 1/2 got really sick 3 weeks ago, long days up all night some of the nights and  been the vet 2x (emergency fund…thank God!) and now she is on some medicine, so be praying that she will gain her appetite back…we have found that she reacts really strongly to medicine and has almost every symptom that comes with the medicine and 2 of the meds this week have a no appetite side effect and one gives a metallic taste in her mouth…so we are have struggled to get her to eat…Praise God she is still drinking and peeing…meds are done tonight…so hopefully we will see a change tomorrow or Monday…

So just weeks before all this happened, our sweet girl has the medical scare…and then my hubby sprained a muscle in his back and it took weeks to heal…been a long 6 weeks or so, but know that even through the storms, there is ALWAYS a rainbow because we follow the SON!

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IMAGE: https://www.tumblr.com/search/v:%20when%20it%20rains%20it%20pours and http://quotesgram.com/after-the-rain-quotes/

The last 48 hours…

So last week, my mom found a small knot on the back of our sweet girl’s head. On Wednesday morning I called the pediatrician. The pediatrician was able to get her in immediately (my husband and nephew have a condition called Arnold Chiari Malformation) So this began a crazy and extremely emotional 24 hours!!! The pediatrician felt the knot and said that we need to do a x-ray just in case. So our sweet girl did awesome getting her x-ray…a little nervous…but was a trooper!

Wednesday afternoon, the pediatrician’s nurse called said that the radiologist wanted a ct-scan. I handled the phone call pretty well…but then Mommy brain kicked in and out flowed the tears…I knew that God would handle it, but at the same time, honestly, I was worried.

Thursday morning, I called the pediatrician to see about the appointment for the ct-scan. (My wonderful pediatrician calmed me down and said, yes,  I should be concerned…but in order to know what is going on, we need to do this test. Also, she said that our sweet girl was growing perfectly, passed the neurological test that she did Wednesday…so she is fabulous!)…this verse showed up on my facebook newsfeed (posted by my awesome pediatrician’s nurse…oh ironic, huh!)

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They scheduled the ct-scan for Thursday at 1130. My hubby and I took her…she was nervous, but did amazing…I was able to stay with her just like with the x-ray (just covered in protection)

After the test was done, they told us to wait that it was STAT. We waited for an hour and they came and said the Dr. got the results, your pediatrician will be calling you. We had told our sweet girl that we would take her for lunch and get her a prize for doing so well. So off to McDonald’s we went…Chick-fil-a was packed (that was her first choice)…

While we were at Big Lots getting her a prize…the pediatrician’s nurse called and said…the radiologist called and her ct-scan came back PERFECTLY NORMAL!!!!!!! I did a little dance in Big Lots and tears started following!!!

We know that God stepped in and took care of it! Thank you Jesus!!! Thank you for our wonderful pediatrician and nurse for taking care of me and definitely our sweet girl!!!

On a sad but glorious note, during this same time, I was receiving updates that a close friend went to be with Jesus…her battle is over and she is dancing with the KING! Missing her greatly!

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Judgmental Moms…

So this actually happened earlier this week and I’m just getting around to posting it…(I’ll explain in the next post what’s been going on…)

I posted this post on FB when it was happening:

To the other Chick-fil-a moms in Winston: thanks for the judgment…so I took my two into chickfila waiting for an appt and Gid decides that he wants to play first instead of eat…so while standing in line, he starting wining and complaining and pitching a mini meltdown….an older gentleman came up and said, “its okay, I have 8 grandchildren and they all have done that…it will get easier.” (Thank you sir and to the sweet chickfila employees for bringing me our food to our table and not even being fazed)…as we are going to our seat (Gid is still standing in the the line)….I put our drinks down and walk back to pick him up ( they weren’t busy) so no one else was in line….I heard two moms talking about him standing up there screaming and I caught them….moms, you know that look you get on your face when you hear someone talking about your kid…well, I must of given her that look…because she shut up and gid came and sat down at the table, ate his food and now is playing with selah girl…really, moms….do we really show compassion and grace anymore or ever??? I guess not everyone has a kid (at 2) that has had a mini meltdown because he wants to play on the playground instead of eat…

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I’ve become…

So I’ve become one of those moms (now I’m pretty sure this happened with my sweet girl…but I noticed it today with my little man)….the mom that doesn’t care what others think (that’s a big deal for me)…so what happened…our little man wanted to wear his rain boots  on the wrong feet when it wasn’t raining to church and guess what…I let him (not a battle that I wanted or needed to face to get to church on time)…too many times moms judge other moms and don’t show grace…who cares if he has on his rain boots or hair isn’t perfect or doesn’t match (I strive to make sure they match) but we have to show grace and recapture it daily…maybe the other mom is going through something (do we ever ask…NO)..but then we judge or gossip about)…so take that time this week to give each other some grace!!!

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I’m learning to be…

I’m learning to be me! Yes, I’m 30 years old, been married 10+ years, have 2 amazing children, lived multiple places, served my country, and I’m just now learning who I am. I am a peacemaker. I like to stay in the shadows. I hate (all caps) being the center of attention.  I hate (all caps again) conflict and will avoid it at all costs…even when it affects me negatively. I love Jesus (I confess that I need to be more in the Word). I try to carry other people’s burdens. I worry. I procrastinate all the time. I love especially the unlovable. I smile especially when I’m nervous. I laugh at weird times. I cry while watching sad movies. I write especially when bad things happen. I will go over and above for you. I care too much at times. I over-analyze everything. I don’t wear makeup alot (one, I’m not comfortable putting it on and two, I don’t want the attention…I’m weird…I know). I almost never leave the house without my hair done (my mom is a hairdresser….so I get it honest) I love coffee especially on a mommy date with a close friend. I love pinterest (I need to do some of those 4000+ pins). I only have a couple close friends. I love my family. I love it when my hubby tells me I’m beautiful (sometimes I have a hard time believing it honestly…something I’m working on) I don’t have good depth perception. I love to coupon. I love to budget. I don’t bring cards, I normally don’t send cards. I love a good pair of flip flops (and would wear them all year). I’m patient (most of the time). I want to make sure people are happy and not mad at me…I strive with everything I have to make people like me…so is this a good thing?..not always! I’m sure I’m learned a lot more about myself that I just can’t remember at the moment (mommy brain). Oh yeah, my sweet little man’s smile can melt me (I think he is figuring that out…) and my sweet girl’s funny faces can make me laugh on the worst days (little man is picking up on that too)…

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In the last year, I have found who my real supporters and friends are, the ones who know who I am and are good with it. I’ve had to quit some relationships while growing others….that’s hard for me because like I said, I want to be friends with all. I’ve learned to quit putting my everything into a relationship when it is not reciprocated. It is hard, most definitely! Do I drive myself crazy with it (I use too)….but I’ve finally learned that being me is perfect for me…

 

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